Sacred Singleness

Recently I posted some of my notes and thoughts from a lecture I attended on Sacred Marriage, and at the end of that post I made a quip, asking when Gary Thomas, the author of Sacred Marriage and Sacred Parenting, was going to write Sacred Singleness. Well, check out the following comment that Jen Abbas, one of Gary’s colleagues, posted:

Hello Mitch and fellow posters—This is Gary's marketing director at Zondervan. As a single myself, I've pitched "Sacred Singleness" to Gary a few times now! I'd like to keep this discussion going (if you don't mind the intrusion, Mitch). If Gary did write this book, what would you want to see addressed?

In response to Jen's question, I’m going to share some of my thoughts on what I’d like to see in such a book, and I invite you to comment with your own ideas.

A good place to start would be DEBUNKING THE MYTH THAT SINGLE PEOPLE ARE WEIRD or have something wrong with them because they are single. As Jamie commented on my post, there is a sense in which singleness is normal and marriage is actually a concession:

It can be easy to assume that marriage is the norm in the Christian tradition. But, from a certain point of view, it's really a concession, an exception to the norm of being single. There's obviously something holy and wonderful and sacramental to marriage—it's one of the seven sacraments! But so is singleness, the taking of a holy order. In our free church tradition, remaining single and vowing to serve God and the church faithfully is the same as taking holy orders in the Roman Catholic tradition, only without the funny clothes.

Perhaps Gary could draw on the example of Jesus and Paul and others key figures in the Bible who served God as singles. In addition, the passage in Matthew where Jesus speaks of choosing to be a eunuch for the sake of the kingdom and also Paul’s teachings in 1 Corinthians on the benefits of being single for serving Christ could be helpful. And I know Gary is good at drawing insights from throughout church history; those would be great to see as well.

My friend Jen (a different Jen) shared some thoughts on the stigma of singleness about this time last year. Of course, she did get married two weeks ago, but what she wrote still holds true. (Congrats Jen!)

As I believe Gary does in his Sacred Marriage book, it would be important to DEBUNK THE MYTH OF MARITAL BLISS. What Gary shared in his lecture about the recent historical development of the idea that to get married is to find pure joy is very important and is something singles need to hear. We tend to hold marriage up as an idol, forgetting that it is hard work and that only God can truly give one’s life lasting joy, whether one is single or married. As Gary said, though we tend to believe that marriage was created to make us happy, perhaps it has other purposes instead.

Gary talked a lot about how marriage is a crucible that helps shape a person into the likeness of Christ. In Sacred Singleness, then, it’d be nice to see how being single is also SPIRITUALLY SHAPING AND FAITH FORMING. Singles must depend solely on God rather than on a spouse. That surely requires and cultivates faith.

Singleness also provides unique OPPORTUNITIES FOR MINISTRY AND SERVICE to others. Singles are just as busy as married couples, perhaps even busier because they have to do the same tasks (work, bills, cooking, housework, etc.) that couples do, but instead of having two people to do that work, a single is only one person. Yet, singles’ schedules tend to be more flexible—they aren’t quite as tied down—which provides opportunities for ministry at different times of the day, to different types of people, and even in different parts of the world.

So, there are four things that it would be nice to see in Sacred Singleness, should it ever be written, but the main thing I would want to see addressed and the main thing I think most of us singles struggle with is CONTENTMENT WITH BEING SINGLE. It’s hard to be patient. You want a companion to share your journey with, you want (let’s just be honest here) to have sex, you want to have children. Some may feel called to be single, but I can’t say I feel that way, and it’s hard to wait until that special someone comes along.

And what’s the deal with everyone saying, “When I finally felt at peace about being single, that’s when my special someone finally came along.” Come on!

Oh, as Gary shared in his lecture, it’d probably be good to have a section on WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A MATE.

What does everyone think? Please take a second to comment on the ideas I’ve thrown out and also to add your own ideas. Just think, what you say could affect what is included in an actual book. That’s pretty cool.

Thanks for reading and thanks for commenting.

[Random note: It's a good thing microwaves won't let you start them without closing the door first; otherwise I would have just fried my brains out. Mmm, warm tortillas.]

[No so random note: Via Jen Abba's blog I just found the site Single Christian, where I found a good article, "Single Truths." Take a gander.]